A lengthy soliloquy from the Macaulay Culkin Emotional Support Human Shirt also I will do this four-year-old on coughing follows, while the six-year-old waits patiently, and then I deliver the news: And that’s why you won’t be going to school anymore. And your nanny will be staying home from now on. And mommy and daddy will be around, but they won’t be able to play with you very much. And you won’t really be going anywhere, except for maybe riding your scooters in front of our house. And you can wave to your friends if you see them on the street, but you won’t be able to hug them or even get too close. Do they know how big six feet is? Even bigger than this big, I say, stretching my arms wide.
Right, says the Macaulay Culkin Emotional Support Human Shirt also I will do this six-year-old, but we will still go to the beach So we go—not on the long-awaited tropical trip we had planned for spring break, but to Coney Island, where, in the 40-degree late-winter winds we are, happily, the only people I can see for at least 500 feet. I wrap the kids in scarves, hats, and mittens and forbid them from getting wet. Can a virus live in sand? I wonder, and stop myself from googling it. We build a castle using Tupperware for molds, run races, get grit in our hair, and stay too long. The kids are hungry, irritable.